No news to report....still waiting...though i have decided to search through the depths of Sacramento County to see if there really is a written policy that says I can't have a kid from Sac County. But then if i can, i run into whether or not i want those people to know all about me. but i will start with the first step, to see if there is anything written.
The night after the Parent Parade at 1:30am, my home phone rang. Of course when your phone rings at that horrific time, you think all kinds of things. But I picked it up anyway, and on the other end is an on call agency social worker. My heart started to beat, but i remained in control. She started to tell me that it was a 2 year old girl, and 7 month old boy, the police took the kids, and she didn't have much info, then she said that the police would bring them to me. Even at 1:30 in the morning I was able to stop and think about what she said. So i asked if they were Sacramento County kids, and she said yes. To which i started to say I can't take them, she said to me, "I know who you are, I am so sorry, go back to bed, good night." HA...go back to bed she says....LOL...eventually I did...
On Friday i got to spend some time with my 2 year old niece, and man is she growing is so fast. Even though i don't see her often (not nearly as often as i would like) she seemed to know who I was...or faked it really well..but i do know that when we weren't seeing her on a regular basis, she was super shy, and never really opened up. She was grabbing my hand and dragging me around the house, she got up on her slide, and leaned over and kissed me, though grandpa wasn't very happy about that. She is becoming a little person, she let me put up her hair, and when it was time for her nap, she asked me to take off her shoes, we followed her to her room, got her 3 binkys, and when grandpa tried to pick her up to put her in the crib, she shook her head no, came to me...i picked her up, she gave me a kiss..i put her in the crib and off to sleep she went...my point being is that I am SO ready for this.
I stopped in to see my mom at work....i always loved doing that, used to come in and help her. It's always fun to watch her students look at me and try to figure out who I am. It was a rainy day, and obviously they were all climbing the walls, including my mother. After she put on a video for them, she said that she wanted to ask me something outside...when we got out there, she asked me if i could get her through a level of Angry Birds...LOL..but then she said that she wanted to ask me something without me getting mad..i love when she says that, but she asked me why i don't just go and get pregnant, and in nine months I will have a baby. So I thought about it on my drive home. I would love to have a biological baby, and whose to say that i wont..but now that i have spent the money, done everything i have, opened up my entire life, is it worth it to go thru with this.... The answer right now is yes. The reason, i joke that i don't like pain, and blah blah blah, but adoption for me isn't about that...I can give a child who would otherwise not have a great life, a chance at one. Maybe i need to put a time limit on how long I will wait before i try it another way. I don't know. It has only been 4 months since i have been certified, and i knew going into this that it could take some time.
So....the wait goes on....
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Interesting....
So today I dressed up...ok..kind of...but I did put on some makeup...tried to take off my social worker hat, and be an adoptive parent. So I am standing in the hallway with a bunch of other people....most of which were couples, waiting for the opportunity to walk in to a little room and sell myself to some social workers who could change my life. I will say that I saw my friend Kristi, who I worked with briefly, so it was nice to see a familiar face. My social worker from my agency was there and we were there to "sell" me.
So we go into the room, mind you if your name starts with A-I you got 10:30-11:30, and off we went...almost like a cattle call. Before we went in my SW told me that she got a list of all of the children that were being "presented" today and the youngest was 4, so right off the bat I was feeling a little defeated. So, first we have to avoid Sacramento County, OK not really...but I am not going to go into that. There were tables set up around and there was no rhyme or reason to the line. So the first stop is a social worker who works for the state. My SW introduces her and then me, and says that I am a Sac County SW and I can’t take Sac County kids. She asked what I did for the county and I repeated that I was a CPS worker, in Emergency response. She takes my home study and looks at it briefly, then asks if I am going to be a single parent, and what was I going to do for daycare. I stumbled a little but said that I would have to work and that I had family and friends to help, but that I thought that daycare was going to be the option. I got "the look." So we talked for a few minutes, we shake hands, and walk to the next. So I look at my SW, and ask "is this what this is going to be like, daycare is going to be the hot topic?" She smiled and said yes, we talked about how we could fudge the truth a little I suppose...luckily we didn’t have too. Next up was El Dorado County, which I did my internship with some years ago. I didn’t recognize the two SW's but we started again. She told us what children she had available. She looked at my home study, said that she remembered seeing my name in the book that my agency has with a list of all their adoptive families. The SW said that my name sounded familiar, I dropped a few names from when I was there, and she smiled, which was promising. I explained I was looking for a baby, and to please keep me in mind. She said that she would for sure. On to State adoptions office of Chico, Tulare County, and Alameda County. Same thing at all, they are only looking for placement for older children. One county did have 3 year old and 2 year old brothers, but they live kind of far away. Their mother is 4 months pregnant, and we asked about that child. So that could be a possibility, but I don’t know. One county, Solano who my worker has been trying to hook up with wasn’t there in the morning, but would be their later. She would bring my home study later to give to them. I will say that we told everyone that I am a CPS worker, and that all seemed pretty positive, and the daycare issue didn’t come up again.
So after all this, a whole half hour, we left. I spoke with my worker in the parking lot. I told her I was frustrated. I am really pissed off about not being able to take Sac County kids. It seems with babies, social workers want to keep the children in their own county, so that rules me out for a lot. I was all upset and said I was going to whoever I needed to in my county to talk to about this. Of course I know why I can't, but really nobody has ever said officially that I can’t have a Sac kid. I guess it is my social worker ethics and values and not necessarily the counties. My worker was going back to the office to try to touch bases with the surrounding counties again.
So I am left with, my name out there...frustrated that nobody is interested...and really didn't make any huge contacts with social workers or other foster parents. But I will say I am still glad that the parents were put on the spot and not the children.
So...it will happen when it happens...and the right child will find their way into my life and my heart.
So we go into the room, mind you if your name starts with A-I you got 10:30-11:30, and off we went...almost like a cattle call. Before we went in my SW told me that she got a list of all of the children that were being "presented" today and the youngest was 4, so right off the bat I was feeling a little defeated. So, first we have to avoid Sacramento County, OK not really...but I am not going to go into that. There were tables set up around and there was no rhyme or reason to the line. So the first stop is a social worker who works for the state. My SW introduces her and then me, and says that I am a Sac County SW and I can’t take Sac County kids. She asked what I did for the county and I repeated that I was a CPS worker, in Emergency response. She takes my home study and looks at it briefly, then asks if I am going to be a single parent, and what was I going to do for daycare. I stumbled a little but said that I would have to work and that I had family and friends to help, but that I thought that daycare was going to be the option. I got "the look." So we talked for a few minutes, we shake hands, and walk to the next. So I look at my SW, and ask "is this what this is going to be like, daycare is going to be the hot topic?" She smiled and said yes, we talked about how we could fudge the truth a little I suppose...luckily we didn’t have too. Next up was El Dorado County, which I did my internship with some years ago. I didn’t recognize the two SW's but we started again. She told us what children she had available. She looked at my home study, said that she remembered seeing my name in the book that my agency has with a list of all their adoptive families. The SW said that my name sounded familiar, I dropped a few names from when I was there, and she smiled, which was promising. I explained I was looking for a baby, and to please keep me in mind. She said that she would for sure. On to State adoptions office of Chico, Tulare County, and Alameda County. Same thing at all, they are only looking for placement for older children. One county did have 3 year old and 2 year old brothers, but they live kind of far away. Their mother is 4 months pregnant, and we asked about that child. So that could be a possibility, but I don’t know. One county, Solano who my worker has been trying to hook up with wasn’t there in the morning, but would be their later. She would bring my home study later to give to them. I will say that we told everyone that I am a CPS worker, and that all seemed pretty positive, and the daycare issue didn’t come up again.
So after all this, a whole half hour, we left. I spoke with my worker in the parking lot. I told her I was frustrated. I am really pissed off about not being able to take Sac County kids. It seems with babies, social workers want to keep the children in their own county, so that rules me out for a lot. I was all upset and said I was going to whoever I needed to in my county to talk to about this. Of course I know why I can't, but really nobody has ever said officially that I can’t have a Sac kid. I guess it is my social worker ethics and values and not necessarily the counties. My worker was going back to the office to try to touch bases with the surrounding counties again.
So I am left with, my name out there...frustrated that nobody is interested...and really didn't make any huge contacts with social workers or other foster parents. But I will say I am still glad that the parents were put on the spot and not the children.
So...it will happen when it happens...and the right child will find their way into my life and my heart.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Parents on parade!
Well...still no news...again i find this so hard to accept..tho its only been 4 1/2 months since i was certified..
Tomorrow is a Family Fair...i got an e mail about it last week, and the social worker said that Sacramento County will be there and they are fairly big. I wasn't sure if i was going to go. i thought it would be a good way to network, meet other fos adopt parents....my social worker wanted to know if i thought it would be weird for me to go with Sac County there. She explained to me that it is not only Sac, but other counties, as well as state adoption social workers. She will have copies of my home study there in case anyone is interested. There will be no kids there, but these are the people that made the decisions about who gets placed where. So i am going to turn on my charm, hope the social worker in me doesn't come out, and hopefully make an impression on social workers, so that when they have a child that needs placement, they will think of me. I have always hated the "adoption picnics" where basically its a big fun day for the kids, (who are usually older) but they know that they are being checked out...It makes me sick....but this seems to be the same for us adoptive parents...should be interesting. Going in hoping to make some good connections both with social workers and other adoptive parents...
We will see.....
Tomorrow is a Family Fair...i got an e mail about it last week, and the social worker said that Sacramento County will be there and they are fairly big. I wasn't sure if i was going to go. i thought it would be a good way to network, meet other fos adopt parents....my social worker wanted to know if i thought it would be weird for me to go with Sac County there. She explained to me that it is not only Sac, but other counties, as well as state adoption social workers. She will have copies of my home study there in case anyone is interested. There will be no kids there, but these are the people that made the decisions about who gets placed where. So i am going to turn on my charm, hope the social worker in me doesn't come out, and hopefully make an impression on social workers, so that when they have a child that needs placement, they will think of me. I have always hated the "adoption picnics" where basically its a big fun day for the kids, (who are usually older) but they know that they are being checked out...It makes me sick....but this seems to be the same for us adoptive parents...should be interesting. Going in hoping to make some good connections both with social workers and other adoptive parents...
We will see.....
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Thats the bottom line
This weekend included cold weather, girl scout cookies, going out to see a movie (Thanx D and C) which i haven't done in a long time...shoot, my netflix movies i have had since November...anyway...i had lunch with friends i haven't seen in awhile, Good to see ya Brandy and Darrick... and got in my exercise walking the crowded mall, and today...I stayed in my comfy clothes today...and did nothing..
I did have time to reflect on the last week....I guess i really didn't know about this process...part of that is the agency worker, but really i thought i knew..now granted i never worked that part of the system so why should i know? I guess I am frustrated...and now that those words were spoken, "they want a 2 parent home." I am afraid that is a glimpse into what is to come. I have made the choice to do this, to open my home to a child that needs a loving home, to have every inch of my life known, analyzed, talked about, and put into a 15 page home study. I opened my home to social workers, ..who the hell cares if i am single or not. Of course it rubs a little salt in the wound, but really why should it matter, i could be a great parent, or even better than any 2 parent home they go to. Sure i will have to work, but these days there are not many mothers, single or not that don't work. My mom worked...and i turned out OK....Besides, I love what I do, and even if i didn't have to work, I still would. I know everyone thinks that nuts...I work with co workers who manage to do it. I do have a support system. If i didn't have to do it alone, of course that would be great, but I love a challenge, thrive on stress and this would just be another part of my life.
I can provide a stable and loving home...that's the bottom line...
I did have time to reflect on the last week....I guess i really didn't know about this process...part of that is the agency worker, but really i thought i knew..now granted i never worked that part of the system so why should i know? I guess I am frustrated...and now that those words were spoken, "they want a 2 parent home." I am afraid that is a glimpse into what is to come. I have made the choice to do this, to open my home to a child that needs a loving home, to have every inch of my life known, analyzed, talked about, and put into a 15 page home study. I opened my home to social workers, ..who the hell cares if i am single or not. Of course it rubs a little salt in the wound, but really why should it matter, i could be a great parent, or even better than any 2 parent home they go to. Sure i will have to work, but these days there are not many mothers, single or not that don't work. My mom worked...and i turned out OK....Besides, I love what I do, and even if i didn't have to work, I still would. I know everyone thinks that nuts...I work with co workers who manage to do it. I do have a support system. If i didn't have to do it alone, of course that would be great, but I love a challenge, thrive on stress and this would just be another part of my life.
I can provide a stable and loving home...that's the bottom line...
Friday, February 25, 2011
Update...
So i heard from my worker today, and she said that the baby's worker said that she was looking for a two parent home, because they are saying that the big issue is Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and apparently part of the brain that is affected is his frontal lobe, so they are looking at severe attachment issues. With that, i think that would be way to much for me anyway....so....bad news is that this one didn't work out...
My worker is still looking for me...so on to the next....i did learn that from this experience as well. First...when i get an e mail of a child that could be a good fit, don't get everyone else excited!! So to those of you I did that with.....I am sorry...next time wont be like this. Also i need to look at more of the issues that could be, and seriously consider it, and finally realize that even though i like to be in control, this process gives me none, and i have to learn to deal with it.
Everyone keeps saying the right child will come along....and that's what i will hang on to...
My worker is still looking for me...so on to the next....i did learn that from this experience as well. First...when i get an e mail of a child that could be a good fit, don't get everyone else excited!! So to those of you I did that with.....I am sorry...next time wont be like this. Also i need to look at more of the issues that could be, and seriously consider it, and finally realize that even though i like to be in control, this process gives me none, and i have to learn to deal with it.
Everyone keeps saying the right child will come along....and that's what i will hang on to...
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
This process sucks!!
So I didn't realize that this was going to be so bad.
So Friday at 6pm of a long weekend, I got an e mail from my agency social worker. The e mail said i know this little guy is probably a definite no, but these are the referrals i am getting, and that other counties seem to want to keep their babies in their own counties. So i am ready to say no, but i opened it up..and there was this sweet little 3 month old. He had a rough entry to the world and may have some developmental delays, but as of now he seems to be doing well. Anyway...i discussed it and decided that meeting the baby would be a good idea. So at 2am on Friday night i sent the social worker an e mail telling her this. Then I settled in for a long weekend of obsessing, over analyzing and changing my mind..several thousand times. I talked with lots of people...and got more and more attached to the idea of this child. Back and forth..back and forth...back and forth all weekend...Thankfully I was able to help Darby and Calvin get a room together for her mother to move in, so I was super busy, But still obsessing...I even went to Target and bought a few things...
Fast forward to today...I left a message for the social worker, and tried not to be a pain...but i was anxious...so i tried again, she must have caller id because she said "hi to my foster parent, future adoptive parent" (or something like that)...then the bad news starts..OK its not the end of the world bad news..i guess its more crappy news. So the process from here is this...she contacts the adoption worker, which is a state worker because he is probably from a small county, to tell her I am very interested and send her my profile. When/if the worker gets back to her, and if she thinks i could be a good match, my social worker will send her my home study. She can get other family's home studies, and then make a decision on who she thinks would be the best fit for the child. She doesn't know the time frame for the worker, so we don't know how quickly she wants to have him placed. That's where I am today...hurry up and wait...So really I don't even have the final say as to what child would be a good addition to my family. That sucks,,,,
This is so funny to say, but I hate that that one social worker has that much power to decide my life. Then someone pointed out, that is what people say about us as CPS workers....She is totally right...it sucks to be on the other side.
So Friday at 6pm of a long weekend, I got an e mail from my agency social worker. The e mail said i know this little guy is probably a definite no, but these are the referrals i am getting, and that other counties seem to want to keep their babies in their own counties. So i am ready to say no, but i opened it up..and there was this sweet little 3 month old. He had a rough entry to the world and may have some developmental delays, but as of now he seems to be doing well. Anyway...i discussed it and decided that meeting the baby would be a good idea. So at 2am on Friday night i sent the social worker an e mail telling her this. Then I settled in for a long weekend of obsessing, over analyzing and changing my mind..several thousand times. I talked with lots of people...and got more and more attached to the idea of this child. Back and forth..back and forth...back and forth all weekend...Thankfully I was able to help Darby and Calvin get a room together for her mother to move in, so I was super busy, But still obsessing...I even went to Target and bought a few things...
Fast forward to today...I left a message for the social worker, and tried not to be a pain...but i was anxious...so i tried again, she must have caller id because she said "hi to my foster parent, future adoptive parent" (or something like that)...then the bad news starts..OK its not the end of the world bad news..i guess its more crappy news. So the process from here is this...she contacts the adoption worker, which is a state worker because he is probably from a small county, to tell her I am very interested and send her my profile. When/if the worker gets back to her, and if she thinks i could be a good match, my social worker will send her my home study. She can get other family's home studies, and then make a decision on who she thinks would be the best fit for the child. She doesn't know the time frame for the worker, so we don't know how quickly she wants to have him placed. That's where I am today...hurry up and wait...So really I don't even have the final say as to what child would be a good addition to my family. That sucks,,,,
This is so funny to say, but I hate that that one social worker has that much power to decide my life. Then someone pointed out, that is what people say about us as CPS workers....She is totally right...it sucks to be on the other side.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
The fish are.....
biting so to speak.
So i know i haven't written anything in a while, and i actually feel guilty about this. There has been so much going on, but really the bottom line is I haven't had any news, until today. WAIT...before you get your hopes up...I don't have a child yet...
So i got two e mails today from my agency social worker..as i look at them, they are children available forms. Basically, its a short bio of the child with a pic.
So the first one, is a Japanese boy who will be a year on the 23rd(which by the way is my baby brother's birthday). Good news is he has had other siblings adopted out, mom of course is a drug user, but the case has been sent to adoptions. So this is good, as i read further, the child has some medical problems, now i admit that they could be worse, but it looks like he also has developmental delays. As i think about it, this is more than i think i can handle right now. Even though i know i may not be the best forever family for this baby, i still feel guilty.
So on to the the next e mail she starts off by saying "How about 3...You would have a great start to creating your own sports team…tempting huh??? lol" Ummm..not at all...but of course i looked into it. First positive is that they are boys, they are from So Cal, so that makes me feel good that they are looking all over for me...the boys have not been placed together and they are looking for a home for all three. The oldest is 4...was Failure to Thrive at birth and has Celliacs Disease(Which i understand to be that he is allergic to gluten). Dad is in jail and mother hasn't seen him since February 2010. The current foster mother wants contact...fine with me...he may have a speech delay...not too bad...here's the kicker....his younger brothers.....TWINS!!! They are a 1 1/2, all three are cute blonde hair, blue eyed..Both twins are being tested for Celliacs...Again....i could probably deal with the gluten allergy...but 3 boys under the age of 4....i may think i am super woman sometimes...but not that super...if it was just the twins, i might really actually consider it...but i don't think i can say yes...again guilt..
So i am hoping this is a good sign...hopefully the e mails will be coming, and i will find the child that was meant to be with me....soon...I am keeping my fingers crossed.
So i know i haven't written anything in a while, and i actually feel guilty about this. There has been so much going on, but really the bottom line is I haven't had any news, until today. WAIT...before you get your hopes up...I don't have a child yet...
So i got two e mails today from my agency social worker..as i look at them, they are children available forms. Basically, its a short bio of the child with a pic.
So the first one, is a Japanese boy who will be a year on the 23rd(which by the way is my baby brother's birthday). Good news is he has had other siblings adopted out, mom of course is a drug user, but the case has been sent to adoptions. So this is good, as i read further, the child has some medical problems, now i admit that they could be worse, but it looks like he also has developmental delays. As i think about it, this is more than i think i can handle right now. Even though i know i may not be the best forever family for this baby, i still feel guilty.
So on to the the next e mail she starts off by saying "How about 3...You would have a great start to creating your own sports team…tempting huh??? lol" Ummm..not at all...but of course i looked into it. First positive is that they are boys, they are from So Cal, so that makes me feel good that they are looking all over for me...the boys have not been placed together and they are looking for a home for all three. The oldest is 4...was Failure to Thrive at birth and has Celliacs Disease(Which i understand to be that he is allergic to gluten). Dad is in jail and mother hasn't seen him since February 2010. The current foster mother wants contact...fine with me...he may have a speech delay...not too bad...here's the kicker....his younger brothers.....TWINS!!! They are a 1 1/2, all three are cute blonde hair, blue eyed..Both twins are being tested for Celliacs...Again....i could probably deal with the gluten allergy...but 3 boys under the age of 4....i may think i am super woman sometimes...but not that super...if it was just the twins, i might really actually consider it...but i don't think i can say yes...again guilt..
So i am hoping this is a good sign...hopefully the e mails will be coming, and i will find the child that was meant to be with me....soon...I am keeping my fingers crossed.
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