WTH....Week 4??? We are both still alive, and kicking, so i guess I am doing OK for now. I am getting to type this two handed...for now anyway..I think i am now over the initial shock of what has happened to me. The last 3 weeks have gone by in a blur...but yet seems like so long. That must be the lack of sleep talking. I feel like we are kind of getting into some routine, but of course when I think we have one, he has to go and mess around with it. Of course he will be doing this for the rest of his life.
The first week or so, he was sleeping a lot, and was sleeping for 3-4 hours at a time at night, i would feed him, change him and He went back to sleep. He is still doing that but the last two nights it has only been 2 hours at a time. He has also starting crying when he wants something NOW!!! Last night there was two of us, and it took a while to calm him down...once he did it was good. He loves a warm bath and likes the car as well. We did bust out the bath last night, he totally stopped, as soon as he was out he started again. I don't know if sleeping all day and evening has anything to do with him waking up. But from what I understand he is actually a good baby. I am not horribly stressed, but really tired and for some reason i cant seem to get on his schedule. Once i get on his schedule, it will change.
Of course those fleeting moments are all worth it. The smile, or at least reaction to me when i kiss him, or we have a staring contest. And while i have a ton of stuff to do, i love when he stretches out across my chest, binky in his mouth and sacks out hard!! He is growing fast, and i find things, and think i should call the advice nurse, but i don't want to be that mother.
We have the next court hearing in a week, and that's when I will find out what the recommendation is. I still anticipate some resistance from county workers, but nothing that I cant handle. I am willing to fight the fight and i think that i have people on my side, but it is still hard.l I am the only mother he knows, and brought him home from the hospital. I feel like we have bonded and that he is in the best place possible, but i do understand the system, but still. I have bonded with him, but i think in the back of my mind I know that things can change at any time, and I don't want to be hurt. I know that i am providing a good home for this baby, and surrounding myself with good people that love him too. Also his medical issues seem to be going well, and we may be in the clear.
I am finally realizing the enormity of what I have done, and realize that my life has changed forever. Most days i am totally OK with that, and i am sure it will be like that for ever.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Week 3
It feels so much longer than 3 weeks. This week we ventured out into the real world a few times. The first being the WIC office. Since he is a foster child he is eligible for it, though i wouldn' qualify. My father had come up that day, so off we go. The office that is closest to me is the one all of my clients go to. So I am super paranoid. We go into the office, and the coast is clear. I do what i need to, and then we go to the last row of chairs, and sit with our backs towards the front door. This of course makes no difference because they call my name super loud. We get called back, explain to worker and she arranged it so instead of going in every month, they will send the checks and i only have to go in every 6 months. SCORE!!! There he weighed 9 lbs, 10 oz and was 20 3\4 inches.
On Tuesday we had to go to the UC Davis clinic. Here he weighed 9lbs 6 oz. Everything went great, got some good news, and baby had to have blood drawn. I don't usually do well with needles, so I wasn't sure how i was going to do with it. I actually did OK, other moms said that they cry when their child needed blood drawn. From there it was off to the office to get a few things, and see my coworkers...that was nice...Then that afternoon my social worker came out to see me. Pretty uneventful, which is good.
Wednesday was Red Robin and Costco with Claudia and Diego. We had a lot of fun, but he did get super cranky.
Thursday we were at the Pediatrician, who said that he is looking well. He is 21 inches, and 9 lbs 8 oz. There were no other concerns, and he doesn't need to come back until he is 2 months old.
So i have noticed that with a baby that everyone wants to ask questions, and look. Which would be fine I supposed, but they don't take into account that we have things to do, and when he is crying at the top of his lungs, I don't have time to sit and chat. I guess it is kind of like when you are pregnant and everyone wants to touch your belly. The best are the looks when they look at him, then me, then him...LOL. But now going out and about is such a production, it kills me. I am used to being early to things, and with a child, obviously that doesn't always happen.
I said I wasn't going to bash Sacramento County, but I will say I am not really happy with the way things are going. I know that I do my job, and try to do the best job I can, calling people back, and going out of my way for clients and others involved in my cases, but I am finding that not everyone works that way. I also knew that at some point the fact that I have been able to take a Sac kid would ruffle feathers, I just didn't think that it would happen this early. Things need to be brought up in court, and if workers dont call me back, how will they know that stuff....Arrgghh
I am not complaining, and am loving every minute of this, but this single thing is a lot more difficult than I thought. I mean I know it wasn't going to be easy, and maybe as he gets older it will get easier, but I don't have a hand off person right here. How in the hell do this people do it with 10 kids??!!! He is changing for sure, physically but personality as well. He is crying much more, like hysterical crying, and sometimes inconsolable, which he wasn't before. But most of the time he just wants to be held, which is sweet. I love holding him, he likes to lean to the side so that i will hold him on the side and we sit and look at each other. I kiss him, and talk to him and he seems to respond to me. It may be in my head, but I am going to think that it is me. His hair is starting to curl which is cute as well.
We hit a Halloween party tonight, and he did such a great job...i was very impressed and everyone loved him. I was told I had the mommy rock, and I wasn't even holding him...I totally was !!! How funny is that. I can't believe how much my life has changed in a short few weeks. I am starting to get the hang of it, and hope that I don't screw him up too much!!
On Tuesday we had to go to the UC Davis clinic. Here he weighed 9lbs 6 oz. Everything went great, got some good news, and baby had to have blood drawn. I don't usually do well with needles, so I wasn't sure how i was going to do with it. I actually did OK, other moms said that they cry when their child needed blood drawn. From there it was off to the office to get a few things, and see my coworkers...that was nice...Then that afternoon my social worker came out to see me. Pretty uneventful, which is good.
Wednesday was Red Robin and Costco with Claudia and Diego. We had a lot of fun, but he did get super cranky.
Thursday we were at the Pediatrician, who said that he is looking well. He is 21 inches, and 9 lbs 8 oz. There were no other concerns, and he doesn't need to come back until he is 2 months old.
So i have noticed that with a baby that everyone wants to ask questions, and look. Which would be fine I supposed, but they don't take into account that we have things to do, and when he is crying at the top of his lungs, I don't have time to sit and chat. I guess it is kind of like when you are pregnant and everyone wants to touch your belly. The best are the looks when they look at him, then me, then him...LOL. But now going out and about is such a production, it kills me. I am used to being early to things, and with a child, obviously that doesn't always happen.
I said I wasn't going to bash Sacramento County, but I will say I am not really happy with the way things are going. I know that I do my job, and try to do the best job I can, calling people back, and going out of my way for clients and others involved in my cases, but I am finding that not everyone works that way. I also knew that at some point the fact that I have been able to take a Sac kid would ruffle feathers, I just didn't think that it would happen this early. Things need to be brought up in court, and if workers dont call me back, how will they know that stuff....Arrgghh
I am not complaining, and am loving every minute of this, but this single thing is a lot more difficult than I thought. I mean I know it wasn't going to be easy, and maybe as he gets older it will get easier, but I don't have a hand off person right here. How in the hell do this people do it with 10 kids??!!! He is changing for sure, physically but personality as well. He is crying much more, like hysterical crying, and sometimes inconsolable, which he wasn't before. But most of the time he just wants to be held, which is sweet. I love holding him, he likes to lean to the side so that i will hold him on the side and we sit and look at each other. I kiss him, and talk to him and he seems to respond to me. It may be in my head, but I am going to think that it is me. His hair is starting to curl which is cute as well.
We hit a Halloween party tonight, and he did such a great job...i was very impressed and everyone loved him. I was told I had the mommy rock, and I wasn't even holding him...I totally was !!! How funny is that. I can't believe how much my life has changed in a short few weeks. I am starting to get the hang of it, and hope that I don't screw him up too much!!
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Week 2
Tomorrow Jace will be 2 weeks old, and he will have been with me for 2 weeks on Wednesday. Kind of crazy. I think we are kind of settling in and getting to know each other,except he changes daily. He is gaining weight for sure. How do i know this, because my arm hurts more when i feed him. He is still a good baby...but i think times are changing. His facial expressions are adorable...and even tho it may cost later on...the thumb sucking is so cute, or at least him looking for it. his hair is starting to curl, if it continues it could look like we are related.
This is so more difficult than i thought. I deal with these situations on a daily basis at work, but this is so much different. I understsand parents rights, and all of that, but now that there are emotions involved (my emotions) its a completely different thing. Sure he has a bio mother, but what has she done? He wasn't even given a name, and now she wants a visit, Of course i knew all of this when i signed up for this, but now that future being is a real child, one who i have to give medication to 4 times a day because she didn't do what she was supposed to do to care for herself so this child had a good start, one that i get up at obnoxious hours to feed and change, and who has so much to overcome in his short life, it is now personal. I don't want her to see him, who knows where she's been and what she is bringing in. I take my job of caring for this child seriously, and i have to protect his well being. I will bring it up but some how i doubt it will make a difference and she is going to get to see him. I know this is how it has to be and legally i have no rights....but this little guy deserves the best. So far i love giving that to him.
This is so more difficult than i thought. I deal with these situations on a daily basis at work, but this is so much different. I understsand parents rights, and all of that, but now that there are emotions involved (my emotions) its a completely different thing. Sure he has a bio mother, but what has she done? He wasn't even given a name, and now she wants a visit, Of course i knew all of this when i signed up for this, but now that future being is a real child, one who i have to give medication to 4 times a day because she didn't do what she was supposed to do to care for herself so this child had a good start, one that i get up at obnoxious hours to feed and change, and who has so much to overcome in his short life, it is now personal. I don't want her to see him, who knows where she's been and what she is bringing in. I take my job of caring for this child seriously, and i have to protect his well being. I will bring it up but some how i doubt it will make a difference and she is going to get to see him. I know this is how it has to be and legally i have no rights....but this little guy deserves the best. So far i love giving that to him.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Week 1
Well it has been a week since Baby Jace has been placed with me. We are adjusting, him better than i am i think. He seems to be getting bigger, but what do i know. He is eating more and more, looking around, finding his hands, and he appears to be a thumb sucker...I still think that he is a good baby...(knock on wood) not that i have anything to compare it too. We are slowly getting into a routine, and hopefully he will start sleeping thru the night SOON...I think that's the worst part of this, is the sleep, or lack there of. My kitchen has been taken over by baby bottles, and now when i need to run out an get something, it is not quite as easy as it used to be. Today we went to the store, and on the way home, i remembered i forgot something. I decided that it was going to be way too hard to go back, so I have to suffer until tomorrow.
I had my first visit from my social worker, not the county workers. It was a lot of paper work, some chatting...and she had to see his crib...pretty easy i think....she will come out to see me weekly, and two unannounced visits a year. She didn't know who the county workers were, and said that a lot of times the foster parent will know more. So i told her that i would leave a message for the worker because i want to know when the next court hearing is, and if there is going to be visitation with bio mom. Of course I didn't hear anything, so today i called the other worker. She called me back within a few hours which was awesome. I will say that even though I work for the county, I am learning a lot of things. I am going to try not to bash the county too much. Anyway...i did find out that this is the 5th baby for mother that she doesn't have. But mother has been calling for a visit, but she sounds high. So it looks like there will be a visit next week, but i am still hoping that this is still looking good for adoption. Will keep you posted.
I knew that this was going to be a huge change in my life...and it has been...and i keep second guessing myself about this decision, but then when you look into the eyes of this little child, who has done nothing wrong, but be created by people who don't deserve him, and has so much to overcome..and it makes it all worth it...I know that most people don't understand the foster care system, but if he doesn't stay here with me forever, for whatever reason, at least i know i gave him the best life he could have while he was in my care. That feeling is awesome...but i hope and pray everyday that I will be his forever family, and that his medical issues will be a thing of the past.
Thanx to all who have been helpful and supportive. It is awesome to know that i have so many great people in our lives. Thanx to Auntie Darby....she has been such a huge help...and we both love her.
I had my first visit from my social worker, not the county workers. It was a lot of paper work, some chatting...and she had to see his crib...pretty easy i think....she will come out to see me weekly, and two unannounced visits a year. She didn't know who the county workers were, and said that a lot of times the foster parent will know more. So i told her that i would leave a message for the worker because i want to know when the next court hearing is, and if there is going to be visitation with bio mom. Of course I didn't hear anything, so today i called the other worker. She called me back within a few hours which was awesome. I will say that even though I work for the county, I am learning a lot of things. I am going to try not to bash the county too much. Anyway...i did find out that this is the 5th baby for mother that she doesn't have. But mother has been calling for a visit, but she sounds high. So it looks like there will be a visit next week, but i am still hoping that this is still looking good for adoption. Will keep you posted.
I knew that this was going to be a huge change in my life...and it has been...and i keep second guessing myself about this decision, but then when you look into the eyes of this little child, who has done nothing wrong, but be created by people who don't deserve him, and has so much to overcome..and it makes it all worth it...I know that most people don't understand the foster care system, but if he doesn't stay here with me forever, for whatever reason, at least i know i gave him the best life he could have while he was in my care. That feeling is awesome...but i hope and pray everyday that I will be his forever family, and that his medical issues will be a thing of the past.
Thanx to all who have been helpful and supportive. It is awesome to know that i have so many great people in our lives. Thanx to Auntie Darby....she has been such a huge help...and we both love her.
Monday, October 10, 2011
One week old
Well....we are only a few days in, and things are going well. First off thanx to everyone for the wishes, and such....I am so overwhelmed..I would say that i still cant believe it, but i am so tired i can't see straight. This is funny because i haven't been sleeping well the past couple months, and i figured the universe was preparing me for this...Not even close....
Last week at this time i was sitting in my house that was clean and you could see the living room floor...now...there is a cradle, a swing, a car seat, blankets, diapers and my kitchen has been invaded by bottles. Who would have thought...I know this is what i wanted..but it is still sinking in. Here is the thing, when you are pregnant you know about when the child will be here, what it is, or at least you know you are going to have a newborn, so you know what you need and how to prepare. I got a phone call at 12:30 in the afternoon, and by 6 I am home with a 3 day old baby boy. Its amazing...
Everyday is such a new thing...the smiles he gives (OK i know that it is gas...let me think what i want) or he grips my finger while he is eating...and the weight of this is not lost....this little thing depends on me for EVERYTHING...OMG...And even though I seem to be so tired all the time, that my eyes seem to always be drooping, those little noises he makes, is all worth it.(for now anyway..lol)
I find myself being so paranoid about everything. For the first day or so, I checked to see if he was breathing every 5 minutes. Or if he is eating enough, and gaining weight, or the fact that he didn't poop yesterday, is that something i need to call the advice nurse for? or can i take him out, or let all my friends who want to come see him, do so. He does have some medical stuff, and it is cold and flu season..and...and...So many little things, and i know its trial and error...but still...so for those of you who are mothers, i may be calling you in a panic.
The good news is that he went to the doc on Friday and he said that he is doing really well. He saw him shortly after he was born an remembered him. I may as well have given birth to this kid, he is a great eater and likes to watch TV.
I took him to Home Depot the other day and as we were wandering i was thinking that his mother could be anywhere, which is funny seeing i do what i do. such a strange experience this is...and we are only at the beginning...
i typed most of this one handed because my boy is in the other one...sorry about the mistakes, plus i am sleep deprived...
Last week at this time i was sitting in my house that was clean and you could see the living room floor...now...there is a cradle, a swing, a car seat, blankets, diapers and my kitchen has been invaded by bottles. Who would have thought...I know this is what i wanted..but it is still sinking in. Here is the thing, when you are pregnant you know about when the child will be here, what it is, or at least you know you are going to have a newborn, so you know what you need and how to prepare. I got a phone call at 12:30 in the afternoon, and by 6 I am home with a 3 day old baby boy. Its amazing...
Everyday is such a new thing...the smiles he gives (OK i know that it is gas...let me think what i want) or he grips my finger while he is eating...and the weight of this is not lost....this little thing depends on me for EVERYTHING...OMG...And even though I seem to be so tired all the time, that my eyes seem to always be drooping, those little noises he makes, is all worth it.(for now anyway..lol)
I find myself being so paranoid about everything. For the first day or so, I checked to see if he was breathing every 5 minutes. Or if he is eating enough, and gaining weight, or the fact that he didn't poop yesterday, is that something i need to call the advice nurse for? or can i take him out, or let all my friends who want to come see him, do so. He does have some medical stuff, and it is cold and flu season..and...and...So many little things, and i know its trial and error...but still...so for those of you who are mothers, i may be calling you in a panic.
The good news is that he went to the doc on Friday and he said that he is doing really well. He saw him shortly after he was born an remembered him. I may as well have given birth to this kid, he is a great eater and likes to watch TV.
I took him to Home Depot the other day and as we were wandering i was thinking that his mother could be anywhere, which is funny seeing i do what i do. such a strange experience this is...and we are only at the beginning...
i typed most of this one handed because my boy is in the other one...sorry about the mistakes, plus i am sleep deprived...
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Well....we are only a few days in, and things are going well. First off thanx to everyone for the wishes, and such....I am so overwhelmed..I would say that i still cant believe it, but i am so tired i can't see straight. This is funny because i haven't been sleeping well the past couple months, and i figured the universe was preparing me for this...Not even close....
Last week at this time i was sitting in my house that was clean and you could see the living room floor...now...there is a cradle, a swing, a car seat, blankets, diapers and my kitchen has been invaded by bottles. Who would have thought...I know this is what i wanted..but it is still sinking in. Here is the thing, when you are pregnant you know about when the child will be here, what it is, or at least you know you are going to have a newborn, so you know what you need and how to prepare. I got a phone call at 12:30 in the afternoon, and by 6 I am home with a 3 day old baby boy. Its amazing...
Everyday is such a new thing...the smiles he gives (OK i know that it is gas...let me think what i want) or he grips my finger while he is eating...and the weight of this is not lost....this little thing depends on me for EVERYTHING...OMG...And even though I seem to be so tired all the time, that my eyes seem to always be drooping, those little noises he makes, is all worth it.(for now anyway..lol)
I find myself being so paranoid about everything. For the first day or so, I checked to see if he was breathing every 5 minutes. Or if he is eating enough, and gaining weight, or the fact that he didn't poop yesterday, is that something i need to call the advice nurse for? or can i take him out, or let all my friends who want to come see him, do so. He does have some medical stuff, and it is cold and flu season..and...and...So many little things, and i know its trial and error...but still...so for those of you who are mothers, i may be calling you in a panic.
The good news is that he went to the doc on Friday and he said that he is doing really well. He saw him shortly after he was born an remembered him. I may as well have given birth to this kid, he is a great eater and likes to watch TV.
I took him to Home Depot the other day and as we were wandering i was thinking that his mother could be anywhere, which is funny seeing i do what i do. such a strange experience this is...and we are only at the beginning...
i type most of this one handed because my boy is in the other one...sorry about the mistakes, plus i am sleep deprived...
Last week at this time i was sitting in my house that was clean and you could see the living room floor...now...there is a cradle, a swing, a car seat, blankets, diapers and my kitchen has been invaded by bottles. Who would have thought...I know this is what i wanted..but it is still sinking in. Here is the thing, when you are pregnant you know about when the child will be here, what it is, or at least you know you are going to have a newborn, so you know what you need and how to prepare. I got a phone call at 12:30 in the afternoon, and by 6 I am home with a 3 day old baby boy. Its amazing...
Everyday is such a new thing...the smiles he gives (OK i know that it is gas...let me think what i want) or he grips my finger while he is eating...and the weight of this is not lost....this little thing depends on me for EVERYTHING...OMG...And even though I seem to be so tired all the time, that my eyes seem to always be drooping, those little noises he makes, is all worth it.(for now anyway..lol)
I find myself being so paranoid about everything. For the first day or so, I checked to see if he was breathing every 5 minutes. Or if he is eating enough, and gaining weight, or the fact that he didn't poop yesterday, is that something i need to call the advice nurse for? or can i take him out, or let all my friends who want to come see him, do so. He does have some medical stuff, and it is cold and flu season..and...and...So many little things, and i know its trial and error...but still...so for those of you who are mothers, i may be calling you in a panic.
The good news is that he went to the doc on Friday and he said that he is doing really well. He saw him shortly after he was born an remembered him. I may as well have given birth to this kid, he is a great eater and likes to watch TV.
I took him to Home Depot the other day and as we were wandering i was thinking that his mother could be anywhere, which is funny seeing i do what i do. such a strange experience this is...and we are only at the beginning...
i type most of this one handed because my boy is in the other one...sorry about the mistakes, plus i am sleep deprived...
Thursday, October 6, 2011
OMG
Well...as most of you know by now....it finally happened....as I sit here writing this, there is this little 3 day old being that I am now responsible for....i cant even keep a plant alive...lol...
Ok first...the stats....
He was born on 10/2, 8lbs, 15ozs, 19 inches, and is African American.. Full term baby...he was positive for meth and cocaine at birth, but I didn't expect anything less. He has a few medical things going on...but nothing i can't handle...
So the way it went down was this...started off as a normal day of work...not happy because i am not super fond of the rain...i had to drag out my tennis shoes and jeans...ick...So my 10 o'clock appt didn't show, so I called and he said that he was at the welfare office and wasn't going to make it. So i decided to go see a child at school on the other side of town. Darby decided to go with me and then we were going to have lunch at Alexandria's Cafe (for those of you in the Bradshaw area..its on Kiefer...great food) So we are sitting eating the awesome tri tip sandwich and chatting. My phone rang, and i recognized the number...the one that my heart stops every time it shows up on my phone. I looked at Darby, took a deep breath, got myself ready for rejection and answered it. The SW was on the other line, and she said "I know this is out of your box, but..." Usually when she says this, i know that my next word is "No" I listened to what she had, and really the only thing that made me second guess anything were the medical issues. After some phone calls, and discussions I finally decided that I was going to do this.
The next few hours are kind of a blur....I know i drove from the cafe to the SW's office to sign paperwork. While we were there everyone was so excited for me, and of course I was too, but i could feel my heart start to beat a little faster, and the sweat started to pour off my forehead. I sat down to sign the paperwork which was weird, because usually the paperwork that i was about to sign, my name was under Social worker, and this time i was signing under "Foster Mother." So weird!!!! We left the office with copies of paperwork and a plastic bag with some clothes. I think from there, i tried to call work, but ended up driving Darby to her car at the office. From there we came back to my house, and waited. I was waiting for a social worker from the hospital to call me. Of course I was anxious, so i paged the social worker. After about half hour, i still hadn't heard anything. Meanwhile, i am stressing out, I mean the whole entire room has been ready to go for a year but i have a few outfits, diapers (but not sure i have the right size). I have had gift cards from the wonderful shower i had a year ago. I have no idea what I need, and my anxiety and emotions are not helping any. Luckily i had my awesome friend to help bring me back to reality. FINALLY the call comes in from Denise...baby is ready for discharge, but they are waiting for the medication, so I should plan to be there around 5. Well since it is only 3:30 off to Target we go. I know i was laughing the entire time, but it had to be comical watching the two of us run up and down the aisles..."do we need this, did you get that, i cant find this, what does that do?" After we load up the basket, we head to the front to pay. We are guessing how much this massive pile of things cost, Darby says $175 and I say closwe to 400. Well we had already hit Darby's mark...$350 later...we are armed with hopefully everything we need to get us at least through the night.
Off to the hospital we go. We check in and are directed to the Special Care Nursery. Every other time that I have been in a special care nursery, it is loud and bustling...this little baby was the only one left. There he lay, wrapped up like a burrito, and this cute little blue and white hat. Think Where's Waldo. So after all the info i have to take in, and i know that they are all important, but its almost like slow motion. Doctor's appts, Medi-Cal, medication....i have to admit i had some doubts, and almost ran out of there. But of course this is what i have been waiting for. So after what seem like forever, but in reality was probably only an hour or so, the nurse said that I could dress him to get him ready to go home. WHAT???!!!! Are you sure you want to do this, i mean once we leave this hospital it all rests on me. Horrible pressure...and i didn't even give birth.... Off to the car we went....with numerous bags full of stuff and a cut little quilt that was made by volunteer grandma's...put him in the car...and off we go.
So, it was so hard to drive and be able to see him. He was quiet..and i know all first time parents go through this, but when he was quiet it scared the crap out of me. we stopped to get something to eat, and Darby had to undo her seat belt and look at him. Glad i wasn't the only one. We get home and unload baby, all the things from the hospital and the massive pile from Target. Now what?? Well put together the Rock n play, Auntie Darby and baby bond....Uncle Calvin comes by, and has some male bonding time...so adorable...I will say that i had some tears, and worries, and i am scared to death.
As i finish this up it is now 6am. I think i slept about 3 hours between 130 and 430. He ate. and fell right back to sleep...We both slept downstairs on the couch...lol...while Auntie Darby slept upstairs in the bed...she is still sleeping....I want to say one more thing, and then will close this out. I am grateful for the support of my family and friends...and i am going to be cranky for the next who knows how long...but i have to thank Darby...I don't know how i would have gotten through the day...and even though she got sleep (LOL..she deserves it) the fact that she is asleep in the house has made me feel that much safer.
Ok first...the stats....
He was born on 10/2, 8lbs, 15ozs, 19 inches, and is African American.. Full term baby...he was positive for meth and cocaine at birth, but I didn't expect anything less. He has a few medical things going on...but nothing i can't handle...
So the way it went down was this...started off as a normal day of work...not happy because i am not super fond of the rain...i had to drag out my tennis shoes and jeans...ick...So my 10 o'clock appt didn't show, so I called and he said that he was at the welfare office and wasn't going to make it. So i decided to go see a child at school on the other side of town. Darby decided to go with me and then we were going to have lunch at Alexandria's Cafe (for those of you in the Bradshaw area..its on Kiefer...great food) So we are sitting eating the awesome tri tip sandwich and chatting. My phone rang, and i recognized the number...the one that my heart stops every time it shows up on my phone. I looked at Darby, took a deep breath, got myself ready for rejection and answered it. The SW was on the other line, and she said "I know this is out of your box, but..." Usually when she says this, i know that my next word is "No" I listened to what she had, and really the only thing that made me second guess anything were the medical issues. After some phone calls, and discussions I finally decided that I was going to do this.
The next few hours are kind of a blur....I know i drove from the cafe to the SW's office to sign paperwork. While we were there everyone was so excited for me, and of course I was too, but i could feel my heart start to beat a little faster, and the sweat started to pour off my forehead. I sat down to sign the paperwork which was weird, because usually the paperwork that i was about to sign, my name was under Social worker, and this time i was signing under "Foster Mother." So weird!!!! We left the office with copies of paperwork and a plastic bag with some clothes. I think from there, i tried to call work, but ended up driving Darby to her car at the office. From there we came back to my house, and waited. I was waiting for a social worker from the hospital to call me. Of course I was anxious, so i paged the social worker. After about half hour, i still hadn't heard anything. Meanwhile, i am stressing out, I mean the whole entire room has been ready to go for a year but i have a few outfits, diapers (but not sure i have the right size). I have had gift cards from the wonderful shower i had a year ago. I have no idea what I need, and my anxiety and emotions are not helping any. Luckily i had my awesome friend to help bring me back to reality. FINALLY the call comes in from Denise...baby is ready for discharge, but they are waiting for the medication, so I should plan to be there around 5. Well since it is only 3:30 off to Target we go. I know i was laughing the entire time, but it had to be comical watching the two of us run up and down the aisles..."do we need this, did you get that, i cant find this, what does that do?" After we load up the basket, we head to the front to pay. We are guessing how much this massive pile of things cost, Darby says $175 and I say closwe to 400. Well we had already hit Darby's mark...$350 later...we are armed with hopefully everything we need to get us at least through the night.
Off to the hospital we go. We check in and are directed to the Special Care Nursery. Every other time that I have been in a special care nursery, it is loud and bustling...this little baby was the only one left. There he lay, wrapped up like a burrito, and this cute little blue and white hat. Think Where's Waldo. So after all the info i have to take in, and i know that they are all important, but its almost like slow motion. Doctor's appts, Medi-Cal, medication....i have to admit i had some doubts, and almost ran out of there. But of course this is what i have been waiting for. So after what seem like forever, but in reality was probably only an hour or so, the nurse said that I could dress him to get him ready to go home. WHAT???!!!! Are you sure you want to do this, i mean once we leave this hospital it all rests on me. Horrible pressure...and i didn't even give birth.... Off to the car we went....with numerous bags full of stuff and a cut little quilt that was made by volunteer grandma's...put him in the car...and off we go.
So, it was so hard to drive and be able to see him. He was quiet..and i know all first time parents go through this, but when he was quiet it scared the crap out of me. we stopped to get something to eat, and Darby had to undo her seat belt and look at him. Glad i wasn't the only one. We get home and unload baby, all the things from the hospital and the massive pile from Target. Now what?? Well put together the Rock n play, Auntie Darby and baby bond....Uncle Calvin comes by, and has some male bonding time...so adorable...I will say that i had some tears, and worries, and i am scared to death.
As i finish this up it is now 6am. I think i slept about 3 hours between 130 and 430. He ate. and fell right back to sleep...We both slept downstairs on the couch...lol...while Auntie Darby slept upstairs in the bed...she is still sleeping....I want to say one more thing, and then will close this out. I am grateful for the support of my family and friends...and i am going to be cranky for the next who knows how long...but i have to thank Darby...I don't know how i would have gotten through the day...and even though she got sleep (LOL..she deserves it) the fact that she is asleep in the house has made me feel that much safer.
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