This weekend included cold weather, girl scout cookies, going out to see a movie (Thanx D and C) which i haven't done in a long time...shoot, my netflix movies i have had since November...anyway...i had lunch with friends i haven't seen in awhile, Good to see ya Brandy and Darrick... and got in my exercise walking the crowded mall, and today...I stayed in my comfy clothes today...and did nothing..
I did have time to reflect on the last week....I guess i really didn't know about this process...part of that is the agency worker, but really i thought i knew..now granted i never worked that part of the system so why should i know? I guess I am frustrated...and now that those words were spoken, "they want a 2 parent home." I am afraid that is a glimpse into what is to come. I have made the choice to do this, to open my home to a child that needs a loving home, to have every inch of my life known, analyzed, talked about, and put into a 15 page home study. I opened my home to social workers, ..who the hell cares if i am single or not. Of course it rubs a little salt in the wound, but really why should it matter, i could be a great parent, or even better than any 2 parent home they go to. Sure i will have to work, but these days there are not many mothers, single or not that don't work. My mom worked...and i turned out OK....Besides, I love what I do, and even if i didn't have to work, I still would. I know everyone thinks that nuts...I work with co workers who manage to do it. I do have a support system. If i didn't have to do it alone, of course that would be great, but I love a challenge, thrive on stress and this would just be another part of my life.
I can provide a stable and loving home...that's the bottom line...
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Update...
So i heard from my worker today, and she said that the baby's worker said that she was looking for a two parent home, because they are saying that the big issue is Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and apparently part of the brain that is affected is his frontal lobe, so they are looking at severe attachment issues. With that, i think that would be way to much for me anyway....so....bad news is that this one didn't work out...
My worker is still looking for me...so on to the next....i did learn that from this experience as well. First...when i get an e mail of a child that could be a good fit, don't get everyone else excited!! So to those of you I did that with.....I am sorry...next time wont be like this. Also i need to look at more of the issues that could be, and seriously consider it, and finally realize that even though i like to be in control, this process gives me none, and i have to learn to deal with it.
Everyone keeps saying the right child will come along....and that's what i will hang on to...
My worker is still looking for me...so on to the next....i did learn that from this experience as well. First...when i get an e mail of a child that could be a good fit, don't get everyone else excited!! So to those of you I did that with.....I am sorry...next time wont be like this. Also i need to look at more of the issues that could be, and seriously consider it, and finally realize that even though i like to be in control, this process gives me none, and i have to learn to deal with it.
Everyone keeps saying the right child will come along....and that's what i will hang on to...
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
This process sucks!!
So I didn't realize that this was going to be so bad.
So Friday at 6pm of a long weekend, I got an e mail from my agency social worker. The e mail said i know this little guy is probably a definite no, but these are the referrals i am getting, and that other counties seem to want to keep their babies in their own counties. So i am ready to say no, but i opened it up..and there was this sweet little 3 month old. He had a rough entry to the world and may have some developmental delays, but as of now he seems to be doing well. Anyway...i discussed it and decided that meeting the baby would be a good idea. So at 2am on Friday night i sent the social worker an e mail telling her this. Then I settled in for a long weekend of obsessing, over analyzing and changing my mind..several thousand times. I talked with lots of people...and got more and more attached to the idea of this child. Back and forth..back and forth...back and forth all weekend...Thankfully I was able to help Darby and Calvin get a room together for her mother to move in, so I was super busy, But still obsessing...I even went to Target and bought a few things...
Fast forward to today...I left a message for the social worker, and tried not to be a pain...but i was anxious...so i tried again, she must have caller id because she said "hi to my foster parent, future adoptive parent" (or something like that)...then the bad news starts..OK its not the end of the world bad news..i guess its more crappy news. So the process from here is this...she contacts the adoption worker, which is a state worker because he is probably from a small county, to tell her I am very interested and send her my profile. When/if the worker gets back to her, and if she thinks i could be a good match, my social worker will send her my home study. She can get other family's home studies, and then make a decision on who she thinks would be the best fit for the child. She doesn't know the time frame for the worker, so we don't know how quickly she wants to have him placed. That's where I am today...hurry up and wait...So really I don't even have the final say as to what child would be a good addition to my family. That sucks,,,,
This is so funny to say, but I hate that that one social worker has that much power to decide my life. Then someone pointed out, that is what people say about us as CPS workers....She is totally right...it sucks to be on the other side.
So Friday at 6pm of a long weekend, I got an e mail from my agency social worker. The e mail said i know this little guy is probably a definite no, but these are the referrals i am getting, and that other counties seem to want to keep their babies in their own counties. So i am ready to say no, but i opened it up..and there was this sweet little 3 month old. He had a rough entry to the world and may have some developmental delays, but as of now he seems to be doing well. Anyway...i discussed it and decided that meeting the baby would be a good idea. So at 2am on Friday night i sent the social worker an e mail telling her this. Then I settled in for a long weekend of obsessing, over analyzing and changing my mind..several thousand times. I talked with lots of people...and got more and more attached to the idea of this child. Back and forth..back and forth...back and forth all weekend...Thankfully I was able to help Darby and Calvin get a room together for her mother to move in, so I was super busy, But still obsessing...I even went to Target and bought a few things...
Fast forward to today...I left a message for the social worker, and tried not to be a pain...but i was anxious...so i tried again, she must have caller id because she said "hi to my foster parent, future adoptive parent" (or something like that)...then the bad news starts..OK its not the end of the world bad news..i guess its more crappy news. So the process from here is this...she contacts the adoption worker, which is a state worker because he is probably from a small county, to tell her I am very interested and send her my profile. When/if the worker gets back to her, and if she thinks i could be a good match, my social worker will send her my home study. She can get other family's home studies, and then make a decision on who she thinks would be the best fit for the child. She doesn't know the time frame for the worker, so we don't know how quickly she wants to have him placed. That's where I am today...hurry up and wait...So really I don't even have the final say as to what child would be a good addition to my family. That sucks,,,,
This is so funny to say, but I hate that that one social worker has that much power to decide my life. Then someone pointed out, that is what people say about us as CPS workers....She is totally right...it sucks to be on the other side.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
The fish are.....
biting so to speak.
So i know i haven't written anything in a while, and i actually feel guilty about this. There has been so much going on, but really the bottom line is I haven't had any news, until today. WAIT...before you get your hopes up...I don't have a child yet...
So i got two e mails today from my agency social worker..as i look at them, they are children available forms. Basically, its a short bio of the child with a pic.
So the first one, is a Japanese boy who will be a year on the 23rd(which by the way is my baby brother's birthday). Good news is he has had other siblings adopted out, mom of course is a drug user, but the case has been sent to adoptions. So this is good, as i read further, the child has some medical problems, now i admit that they could be worse, but it looks like he also has developmental delays. As i think about it, this is more than i think i can handle right now. Even though i know i may not be the best forever family for this baby, i still feel guilty.
So on to the the next e mail she starts off by saying "How about 3...You would have a great start to creating your own sports team…tempting huh??? lol" Ummm..not at all...but of course i looked into it. First positive is that they are boys, they are from So Cal, so that makes me feel good that they are looking all over for me...the boys have not been placed together and they are looking for a home for all three. The oldest is 4...was Failure to Thrive at birth and has Celliacs Disease(Which i understand to be that he is allergic to gluten). Dad is in jail and mother hasn't seen him since February 2010. The current foster mother wants contact...fine with me...he may have a speech delay...not too bad...here's the kicker....his younger brothers.....TWINS!!! They are a 1 1/2, all three are cute blonde hair, blue eyed..Both twins are being tested for Celliacs...Again....i could probably deal with the gluten allergy...but 3 boys under the age of 4....i may think i am super woman sometimes...but not that super...if it was just the twins, i might really actually consider it...but i don't think i can say yes...again guilt..
So i am hoping this is a good sign...hopefully the e mails will be coming, and i will find the child that was meant to be with me....soon...I am keeping my fingers crossed.
So i know i haven't written anything in a while, and i actually feel guilty about this. There has been so much going on, but really the bottom line is I haven't had any news, until today. WAIT...before you get your hopes up...I don't have a child yet...
So i got two e mails today from my agency social worker..as i look at them, they are children available forms. Basically, its a short bio of the child with a pic.
So the first one, is a Japanese boy who will be a year on the 23rd(which by the way is my baby brother's birthday). Good news is he has had other siblings adopted out, mom of course is a drug user, but the case has been sent to adoptions. So this is good, as i read further, the child has some medical problems, now i admit that they could be worse, but it looks like he also has developmental delays. As i think about it, this is more than i think i can handle right now. Even though i know i may not be the best forever family for this baby, i still feel guilty.
So on to the the next e mail she starts off by saying "How about 3...You would have a great start to creating your own sports team…tempting huh??? lol" Ummm..not at all...but of course i looked into it. First positive is that they are boys, they are from So Cal, so that makes me feel good that they are looking all over for me...the boys have not been placed together and they are looking for a home for all three. The oldest is 4...was Failure to Thrive at birth and has Celliacs Disease(Which i understand to be that he is allergic to gluten). Dad is in jail and mother hasn't seen him since February 2010. The current foster mother wants contact...fine with me...he may have a speech delay...not too bad...here's the kicker....his younger brothers.....TWINS!!! They are a 1 1/2, all three are cute blonde hair, blue eyed..Both twins are being tested for Celliacs...Again....i could probably deal with the gluten allergy...but 3 boys under the age of 4....i may think i am super woman sometimes...but not that super...if it was just the twins, i might really actually consider it...but i don't think i can say yes...again guilt..
So i am hoping this is a good sign...hopefully the e mails will be coming, and i will find the child that was meant to be with me....soon...I am keeping my fingers crossed.
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