I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving...I know that I had a lot to be thankful for. I have a small family, there are only 8 of us, at least that we have holidays with. This year the entire family was there, usually my brother has to work. This year, not only was he off, it was his day with my niece, plus Jace...it was awesome...My 92 year old grandmother was there, we had 4 generations in the house. My niece is "almost 3" as she will tell you. For a child who didn't speak that well last year at this time, she is a Hornstein for sure. She told me that my cat had a fever...And even went from calling me NaNa to Donna. She is great with the baby, when he was asleep she tried to whisper...and when you tell Allie that you love her...she says "I You"...adorable....She ran around with a bunny tail on, and was shaking it.. I am looking forward to Jace at that age...
Everyone was so excited to meet Jace... Auntie Gail knitted him a gorgeous blanket and Tanta Jayne made him the most adorable hats, that will keep him warm this winter. I know that this whole process is tough on me, but also my family and friends, and I appreciate that they have embraced him and the situation. For this, i love them all so much, and i know one day Jace will be able to tell them the same...
Friday, November 25, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Its been 6 weeks
I can't believe that this little child i brought home is now 6 weeks old, that 6 weeks ago my life changed completely. He is so adorable and growing so quickly. He is now laughing, cooing and smiling, and today he let out a big ol laugh...his crooked smile, and the way his eyes light up is adorable and worth all of the sleep, i'm not getting. He likes to sit up, and is holding his head up well, and seems pretty strong. The best is the look of determination on his face, and how hard he tries to suck his thumb. He does get it, but then cant keep it in his mouth when he does. It is so adorable, and shows me what kind of kid he is going to be. He is finally off of his medication, which appears to have done it's job. I know he is glad he doesn't take it anymore, but i think i am more excited because now we can finally try to get on some kind of schedule so he will sleep longer. It is going to be a slow process but worth it in the end. I believe he knows who i am and recognizes my voice. I brought him home on day 3, and he has never known anyone else as his mother. I really hope that the people that are involved realize this. My poor cat has also had a rough 6 weeks, he is no longer the baby, the only child. Last week i had to take him in to get his shots, and he gave them a run for their money. He gained weight and wouldn't let him look in his mouth. After we got home, i noticed that he was not the same, but was eating and drinking. I called the vet and they said that stress can cause this and to watch him. today he appears to have returned to normal. Lets just say i had to deal with a lot of poop this week...well the cat needs to be cleaned because he smells so bad, but he wont let me touch him. Such is life.
So his case should be moving on to the adoptions department. I am hoping that all of this just cruises right thru and maybe even finalized by June or July. I am anticipating some issues, more so with me and what i do, rather than the baby issues. My home study was updated, and i was re certified this week, and he has been with me since day 3. I am the only mother he has known. But i still do have some worries,and it is difficult to think that things could go wrong, but i know that i have a lot of support.
Next week is Thanksgiving and we will be spending it with the entire family, including my 93 year old grandmother, aunt, uncle and cousin from out of town, my parents, and my brother and niece. Should be interesting, but fun. Everyone is excited to meet the baby.
I do realize that what i do now, will give this little child a foundation for the rest of his life. WOW...that is a huge responsibility. I knew that before, but when he looks at me with those brown eyes, reality sets in. Everyone says that a boy loves his mother, and will be a mama's boy. I do worry that when he gets older, how i am going to show him how to be a man. While he has some great male role models in his life, i really don't know what its like, and what he needs to know as a boy. I can read about it, research it, whatever, it is still not the same. I realize woman do it all the time, raise great boys, and i have great role models in my life, but it is scary that i could screw him up, and even his relationships with his woman. I know i shouldn't worry about this now, but that's what I do...think and obsess...
Well i am off, maybe even to bed. Last night i went upstairs, and when he woke me up at 1am, the TV was on and so was the light. He has been asleep for about 2 hours, so we will see. He was up for most of the morning, maybe this means he will sleep tonight. My fingers are crossed....
PS November is National adoption month and tomorrow is National adoption days, when hundreds of kids will have their adoption finalized, and will officially have a forever family!!
So his case should be moving on to the adoptions department. I am hoping that all of this just cruises right thru and maybe even finalized by June or July. I am anticipating some issues, more so with me and what i do, rather than the baby issues. My home study was updated, and i was re certified this week, and he has been with me since day 3. I am the only mother he has known. But i still do have some worries,and it is difficult to think that things could go wrong, but i know that i have a lot of support.
Next week is Thanksgiving and we will be spending it with the entire family, including my 93 year old grandmother, aunt, uncle and cousin from out of town, my parents, and my brother and niece. Should be interesting, but fun. Everyone is excited to meet the baby.
I do realize that what i do now, will give this little child a foundation for the rest of his life. WOW...that is a huge responsibility. I knew that before, but when he looks at me with those brown eyes, reality sets in. Everyone says that a boy loves his mother, and will be a mama's boy. I do worry that when he gets older, how i am going to show him how to be a man. While he has some great male role models in his life, i really don't know what its like, and what he needs to know as a boy. I can read about it, research it, whatever, it is still not the same. I realize woman do it all the time, raise great boys, and i have great role models in my life, but it is scary that i could screw him up, and even his relationships with his woman. I know i shouldn't worry about this now, but that's what I do...think and obsess...
Well i am off, maybe even to bed. Last night i went upstairs, and when he woke me up at 1am, the TV was on and so was the light. He has been asleep for about 2 hours, so we will see. He was up for most of the morning, maybe this means he will sleep tonight. My fingers are crossed....
PS November is National adoption month and tomorrow is National adoption days, when hundreds of kids will have their adoption finalized, and will officially have a forever family!!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
The "Trial"
Here i sit..in the court lobby again...it is so much quieter in the afternoon. There are only two of us sitting here waiting for this case, and the other one is not the mother. Every time the elevator opens my heart skips a beat. I know that really even if she does show up she doesn't have a chance, but still. It is almost half hour after the trial was supposed to start, mom's lawyer has come out a few times looking for her, but she is still not here. I realize she asked for this trial but really, how long are they going to wait for her. I don't even know if anyone in there knows she is MIA. I know it is not my issue or my job to tell them, but man we are wasting time.
So as most of you know now, this case will now move to adoptions, as mother was not offered services. I sat in court and listened as they spewed all the court lingo, which i don't miss. The mother's lawyer had to enter a general objection to everything, but ultimately the judge made him a dependent of the court. Due to mother's history of losing kids, and drug use they did not offer mother services, and that means this case will go straight to adoptions. A hearing was set for 45 days, which is to make sure everything that needs to be done legally is done, and then the .26 hearing was set for March 7th (my daddy's birthday)This hearing will then decide and terminate mother's parental rights, which then frees him so that I can go thru with the adoption. There are a few things that can throw a wrench in it, but i think this is going work out. No relatives have come forward, though i did get some information regarding his siblings. He has a sister who is 3, so hopefully i will be able to get some info about her, and maybe he can meet her one day.
I am of course super happy about this. The social worker in me knew that this is the way it was going to go, but as a parent it is different. I still have this little part of my brain that says something could still happen, but i feel better about it then i did. So much emotion, part of it is the lack of sleep, the other is raw...i did have a few tears in my eyes in court. When the baby's lawyer said that it looks good, and that relatives haven't come forward, my heart stopped. A wave of panic did rush over me, looking 18 years into the future, but of course I was elated. I was so happy to be able to tell everyone that this is a great step in the right direction. I know that it has been difficult for everyone, especially those in my life that don't know this process. So i think this will help everyone. Wow, just 5 short weeks ago, I was a single woman with a 23 pound cat, and in 4 short hours, my life changed. I think I am still in shock, but i have been waiting for this and now I will enjoy my child. Thanx again to all...
So as most of you know now, this case will now move to adoptions, as mother was not offered services. I sat in court and listened as they spewed all the court lingo, which i don't miss. The mother's lawyer had to enter a general objection to everything, but ultimately the judge made him a dependent of the court. Due to mother's history of losing kids, and drug use they did not offer mother services, and that means this case will go straight to adoptions. A hearing was set for 45 days, which is to make sure everything that needs to be done legally is done, and then the .26 hearing was set for March 7th (my daddy's birthday)This hearing will then decide and terminate mother's parental rights, which then frees him so that I can go thru with the adoption. There are a few things that can throw a wrench in it, but i think this is going work out. No relatives have come forward, though i did get some information regarding his siblings. He has a sister who is 3, so hopefully i will be able to get some info about her, and maybe he can meet her one day.
I am of course super happy about this. The social worker in me knew that this is the way it was going to go, but as a parent it is different. I still have this little part of my brain that says something could still happen, but i feel better about it then i did. So much emotion, part of it is the lack of sleep, the other is raw...i did have a few tears in my eyes in court. When the baby's lawyer said that it looks good, and that relatives haven't come forward, my heart stopped. A wave of panic did rush over me, looking 18 years into the future, but of course I was elated. I was so happy to be able to tell everyone that this is a great step in the right direction. I know that it has been difficult for everyone, especially those in my life that don't know this process. So i think this will help everyone. Wow, just 5 short weeks ago, I was a single woman with a 23 pound cat, and in 4 short hours, my life changed. I think I am still in shock, but i have been waiting for this and now I will enjoy my child. Thanx again to all...
Saturday, November 5, 2011
The first month
Wow...It has been a month that this little being has been in my home. Holy Crap!!! So far, i think i am doing OK. He is growing each day, and new things happen. His smiling, laughing, and "talking" is adorable. It's weird to think that I have had something to do with this. Now i know this is what happens with babies...but i have encouraged it, fostered it and rewarded it. So crazy, he seems to know who i am, he looks when i walk in the room, and falls asleep in my arms at least twice a day. Who would have thought. I think the lack of sleep is a norm now and i have adjusted to it, so it doesn't feel as bad. The other stuff makes it worth it.
So we went to court on Wed, and they didn't do anything except set it for trial this Thursday. Now the social worker won't be there. Mother's lawyer set it for trial, because they want her to be offered services. In court the judge asked the mother if she understood that it is being recommended that she not receive services, and that this case goes straight to adoptions. Mother said that she understood, but had no emotions whatsoever...WTF...I also found out this is mother's 7th child. The judge asked mother if their are any relatives and she listed 3 that she wanted to be assessed. This doesn't mean this will happen or even that they want placement. The other part is that there is a program who works with the county to look for relatives, this is more my concern than the mother. So hopefully ( i know this sounds bad) they wont find any. So after court we stood in the lobby with my social worker and the mother. My SW spoke with the mother about visits. The visit was set for Friday. My SW also told mother that it was her right to know about the baby's medical information and how he was doing. She gave mother plenty of opportunity to ask about him, and she didn't. Nothing, not a word, not a question, she asked nothing about this baby she gave birth too.
The social worker part of me totally gets it, but the mommy doesn't. On Friday, 2 hours before the visit, i get a call that says mother left her program, and we don't know where she is, so the visit is off. We will see what happens on Thursday!
Thanx again to everyone for your support, encouragements and advice when i need it
So we went to court on Wed, and they didn't do anything except set it for trial this Thursday. Now the social worker won't be there. Mother's lawyer set it for trial, because they want her to be offered services. In court the judge asked the mother if she understood that it is being recommended that she not receive services, and that this case goes straight to adoptions. Mother said that she understood, but had no emotions whatsoever...WTF...I also found out this is mother's 7th child. The judge asked mother if their are any relatives and she listed 3 that she wanted to be assessed. This doesn't mean this will happen or even that they want placement. The other part is that there is a program who works with the county to look for relatives, this is more my concern than the mother. So hopefully ( i know this sounds bad) they wont find any. So after court we stood in the lobby with my social worker and the mother. My SW spoke with the mother about visits. The visit was set for Friday. My SW also told mother that it was her right to know about the baby's medical information and how he was doing. She gave mother plenty of opportunity to ask about him, and she didn't. Nothing, not a word, not a question, she asked nothing about this baby she gave birth too.
The social worker part of me totally gets it, but the mommy doesn't. On Friday, 2 hours before the visit, i get a call that says mother left her program, and we don't know where she is, so the visit is off. We will see what happens on Thursday!
Thanx again to everyone for your support, encouragements and advice when i need it
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Court
So here i sit, nestled in for the long wait. It is so weird, I have been in this court house so many times, but this is the worst. Here i am, sitting in the lobby, where the mother will be sittng accross from me, and anyone of my previous clients who children i have removed could walk in and see me at any time. Got to love the system. So, today is the hearing to decide if the baby becomes a dependent of the court, which I am sure will happen. Then the lawyers argue about what to do. The reccomendation is to bypass mother for services or to offer her 6 months to get her crap together. There are a ton of things stacked against her, but she is is in a drug program but only because parole made her. This is baby number 5, and normally this is a no brainer...but i have heard things about this judge. So i sit here and stress. I kind of feel stupid, i know how this works but i was not prepared to deal with this on an emotional level. I spoke with the baby's lawyer and who knows if i screwed that up....i don't know.
So as i sit here, i am listening to this woman, who i am sure is the mother. She is laughing and talking like she doesn't have a care in the world. Meanwhile I am so tired I can't see straight. So frustrating, and in my mind i know that this woman could be my client and i woukd have to give her the benefit of the doubt.
I have to hold it together, until i get out of here. My social worker hasn't made it here yet and i have a headache. I have seen some coworkers and they think i should be ok,but we will see.
I am home now, it didnt take that long. So it was set for trial next week. Which i knew, mother has a visit on friday. She has 3 relatives that she wants assessed for placement. I dont know, again, so not prepared for this emotions. More to come.
So as i sit here, i am listening to this woman, who i am sure is the mother. She is laughing and talking like she doesn't have a care in the world. Meanwhile I am so tired I can't see straight. So frustrating, and in my mind i know that this woman could be my client and i woukd have to give her the benefit of the doubt.
I have to hold it together, until i get out of here. My social worker hasn't made it here yet and i have a headache. I have seen some coworkers and they think i should be ok,but we will see.
I am home now, it didnt take that long. So it was set for trial next week. Which i knew, mother has a visit on friday. She has 3 relatives that she wants assessed for placement. I dont know, again, so not prepared for this emotions. More to come.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
The day before court
OMG, this is so nerve racking, and I am so freaked out it. The social worker in me knows that this mother has no chance in having this child back, and of course in my opinion shouldn't. But I also know that the system says that she should get reunification services.
I am the one who gets up three times a night to change and feed him, i give him meds 4 times a day, i am so sleep deprived I can't see straight....ARRGHH...i knew that it was going to be this way, and what i was getting into, and i knew that it was going to be this way, but i didn't take into account the feelings that I would have. It is true, when they say that you can still bond and love a baby that you don't give birth too.
Tomorrow is the court date, this one is to decide if he will become a dependent of the court, and what they are going to do, either give mom services and give her a chance or if it will go straight to adoptions. Think good thoughts, and i will keep you posted.
I am the one who gets up three times a night to change and feed him, i give him meds 4 times a day, i am so sleep deprived I can't see straight....ARRGHH...i knew that it was going to be this way, and what i was getting into, and i knew that it was going to be this way, but i didn't take into account the feelings that I would have. It is true, when they say that you can still bond and love a baby that you don't give birth too.
Tomorrow is the court date, this one is to decide if he will become a dependent of the court, and what they are going to do, either give mom services and give her a chance or if it will go straight to adoptions. Think good thoughts, and i will keep you posted.
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