Sour Milk

The bottles are labeled, the diapers are packed, and work cell phone is charged.

Here i sit, staring at my 3 1/2 month old, smiling and laughing at me, and i have mixed emotions.  Tomorrow is D day, the day i return to work.  3 weeks ago, i was ready, super excited to get back to work, but now it makes me sad.  I am ready for a routine, but gone will be the days that i can take my time getting up, spending time cuddling with the baby.Instead it will be, get up and get moving, rush rush rush..auto pilot.  I know that this needs to happen for both of us, but the guilt is already starting.  If he cries when i leave, OMG.  Tomorrow i have a pretty hectic morning so that's the good news.  I will have time to drop him off, make a run to the office, try to get my computer to work, and then sit in a SARB meeting.  This wont give me much time to think, until i am sitting in the meeting, and i can see it now, the tears start to flow..LOL..everyone will laugh and i will have to explain.  I don't want to be that mom who calls the daycare every 2 minutes.  He wont really even know i am gone, until i go to pick him up.  I always wondered how my coworkers did the job and went home to deal with their kids.  I will find out shortly, plus all the appts, doctors and social workers and such.  So check with me tomorrow night and see how i feel.  I am still paranoid about the stuffy sound he has.  The nurse said if he doesn't have a fever, its ok.  I don't want to say its getting worse, but i don't know.  It doesn't appear to affect his breathing, but i don't know.
Yesterday, as Jace and i cuddled on the chair and took a nap, I looked at him and remembered how he fit just perfectly across my chest and would sleep there for hours.  I realize this was only a short time ago, but it seems like so long.  Now his legs hang down and he looks so big.  Though he still fits perfectly in my arm and does like to sleep on me.  Its very sad, now i get what everyone is saying.  Enjoy this time, it doesn't get and easier, once he is off an running things change.  Pretty soon he will be 18 and off to college. (He better go!)

So the other day I took the baby and went to Home Depot.  Now that the furniture is out of my garage, i decided to go get some more shelves so that i can store the loads of boxes i have of clothes, which by the way, i have until he is 24 months.  So i have him in the carrier, in the upper part of the basket and the shelves are a big and bulky and don't fit actually in the cart.  So I check out, and am leaving the store and see the shelves slipping off the top of the cart, i run to catch them and of course they fell.  It was at that point i realize that it would be really helpful to have someone else to help, and that being single is going to be me trying to figure out how to juggle everything on my own.  Luckily there was a couple and the man got up and helped me and then one of the people who worked at Home Depot pushed it out to my car.

I still say that the child has curly hair, likes the TV, has a small bladder, likes to eat and is super loud and talkative, he really could be biologically related to me.  O Yea, and only my kid would rather play with and stick in his mouth the dirty burp rag, instead of any of the toys i bought him. 

Last thought for the night, before i get everything together for tomorrow.  The sour milk smell...is old!!!