3 months

Tomorrow, it will be 3 months that my little boy was born.  He came into this world, helpless, defenseless and innocent.  He had to endure medication every 6 hours for the first 6 weeks of his life, was born with 2 different drugs in his system, to a person who could not care or provide for him.  3 days later, he came into my life, and while he is not YET legally mine, I love him just as much as any mother loves their child.  I may not have given birth to him, but it makes him even more special because I waited and hoped for him to come into my life. 

I honestly can say i don't remember much about the first week or two that he came home, and am glad that i was able to blog, so i can look back at it.  I do remember looking at him in that crib at the hospital, heart pounding and looking for a way out.  His squished up face with a blue and white knitted hat on, peeking out of the top of the hospital blanket.  When the nurse said i could get him dressed and take him home, i couldn't believe it.

In 3 months he has developed eye lashes, gained weight, developed a personality.  He has discovered his thumb and his hands, and how to use them.  He smiles at me, a crooked smile and i cant help but smile back, even at 3am after only a few hours of sleep, he looks for me, when someone else is holding him, how he holds his head up,and pulls himself up to a standing position, and his high pitched screech of delight, is all worth it.  The paranoia motherhood brings on, and how i have to still check every few hours to see if he is breathing, I wouldn't change a thing.  With his curls and how he has to play with them when he eats, or is tired, his love of TV (even tho he shouldn't be watching), his love of eating, or his incredibly small bladder, he could be biologically mine.

I hope that this year brings us good luck, and that by the middle of the year he can officially be a Hornstein.  I look forward to the coming years, maybe not the the teen years, but all that it has in store for us.  I just hope that i will also be able to provide for him, and raise an honest, passionate, polite, successful child just as my parents did.