Ring Ring???

So i really didn't intend this blog to be all negative, and me bitching...no really...i didn't..but right now that's all I have...so...here is you chance to back out of reading this....

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OK i warned you.....(that reminds me of a book i had when i was a kid...Grover..and he didn't want me to turn the page...haha...)

This process has taken everything out of me...I don't know what I was thinking when i went into this...That's not true, I was thinking I have a good job, a decent home, ready to be a mom, and know how many kids are in the system that could use just that kind of home.  Yet there are so many obstacles it is unreal.  This is coming from someone who works for the system.  I thought that being a social worker and knowing the system could be helpful, i was wrong, it has made things so much worse.  Now its politics...other counties don't want to place babies especially out of their county, and if they do, they need a court order, which doesn't happen in the middle of the night when they need placement.  I have been trying to find an actual written policy for the county that says I can't have a Sacramento kid.  I have been told no, and its a practice and policy, but still cant find anything in writing.  So do i push the issue, and risk being THAT person, and give the county a reason to make my life miserable, or do i just deal with it and wait??  I don't know.  I know that this sucks...but now the argument i get into with people is why don't you just go get pregnant...Apparently people don't understand that I am doing this because i know that there are kids out there that need me...in this county and surrounding counties. (which by the way i am only 10-15 min from 4-5 counties, and they still need a court order).  So here is my solution, going out to the local drug dealer (who i can find outside my office) smoke some meth...find me a guy...and within minutes i will be pregnant.  Wait..that's not the way it works??? Could have fooled me

So I finally spoke with the agency social worker, and all this is the garbage she told me.  She told me that she was signing me up for the picnic next week.  I hate these things, even before i became involved in this.  Usually they are for older kids, and she will get a list before.  So if they are all older, i wont go, just don't think i can.  She told me about a set of siblings, the little boy is 2 (and a head of blonde curls) and his sister is 4...and is a girly girl and has to rule the roost.  I think i mentioned them before.  Anyway, we have talked and I have decided to at least meet the kids.  Not like, this is Jordonna she is thinking of being your mommy...just a casual maybe meet at a park or whatever.  2 is a lot, and i am not set up for those ages.  If it was just the 2 year old, i think i would be fine with it....its that 4 year old girl...girly girl no less...so we will see what happens..

So i continue to wait, vent, marinate in it, and stress about it.  i know it will happen when it was meant to be...blah blah blah..i have heard it...i just want to hear the phone ring, and say they found my child...