So the end of this whole process is almost over. I am scared and elated all at the same time. I have been waiting for this, and am hoping this will happen. We have our last meeting on the 28th where we all sit around a table and sign paperwork. I am hoping I will get more info about him, his bio family and anything else...but I am not holding my breath. From there the paperwork is filed with the court, and I can pick a day for finalization. I will say that his original birth certificate had his name spelled wrong, so it had to be fixed. As of now, as far as i know it hasn't been change, which will hold this up. Part of the problem in all of this is that the county worker is actually a supervisor who apparently doesn't know how to do things So, I am hoping that this will happen by mid July, and then we can celebrate. Of course a few of my closest friends will be out of town the last two weeks of the month, so i have to hope that it really does happen. I am really looking forward to having all of his paperwork in the only name he has ever known, and that his last name is the same as mine. I hate signing paperwork and having the other name there to remind me everyday. I still take him to the same doctor he has had since day one, and they call him the other name, even though they know the situation, and i even have said that he doesn't know that name.
I have a lot of emotions about this coming to an end. First, there is no turning back which is scary. Of course I would never do that, but it will no longer be an option. I guess I am worried that I will be a crappy parent, and will screw him up one way or another, and he will regret that I am his mom. I am sure that won't happen, but that is one of my biggest fears. Of course I have great role models in my life, but I have chosen to do this on my own, of course its not what I had planned, but this is the way it worked out. And today being father's day, I do feel a little guilty about how not having a father will affect him later on in life, but I know if i surround him with positive, good people he will turn out fine.
I don't know if i am now more sensitive to the whole adoption thing, or what, but i seem to be getting a lot of cases of adoptive parents. So here is my beef, why does it have to say anywhere that it is an adoptive parent?? I am his mother, have been since day 3, and I am all he knows. When he starts talking, he will call me mom, not adoptive mom, he will have my name, he will only know me as "Mom." Adoptive parents are mom and dad, and that's the bottom line. Just because I didn't give birth to him, doesn't mean that for the rest of my life, i should have adoptive in front of my name. Don't get me wrong, it is important to me that he knows he is adopted, but that's for me to decide when that time comes. So he goes to school and some one says something about me being his adoptive mother, that's no body's right to say that or tell him that, but me. Someone asked me if i took him to the doctor and the medical issues he could have had, are there, even though I have been told that he is in the clear, what would I do. I didn't even have to think about it, nothing...make sure he gets whatever he needs, because he is my child. Okay, i am now done with my rant, not even sure it makes sense since i am so tired...but there it is...
I have quite a few people in my life trying to have children, and are having difficulties. It kills me, and I find myself not knowing what to say. I remember while i was waiting, everyone said, it would happen when it was meant to, blah blah blah blah...of course it did and i couldn't be happier, but I wish i knew what to say. I understand the waiting part of it, but it is so unfair. I wouldn't have this adorable baby if it weren't for screw ups, but my friends are good people, and deserve to have a child of their own, meanwhile I wouldn't be surprised if Jace's egg donor was pregnant again. It is so frustrating, unfair and upsetting that they have to go to such through so much to have a child, meanwhile the people who cant care for the children they birth, seem to be able to have children with no problems. It just sucks, and I hope that the more time they spend with Jace, the more good baby vibes they get.
I want to say happy father's day to my father, and my brother. Two great men in my life, who will be there to help my child become a great man. Will keep you posted...bottles are made, lunch is packed, baby is asleep...and now it is time for me to try to sleep...
No comments:
Post a Comment